Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
