He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
