Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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