im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i think i just lost a toe
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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