I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
