bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
