just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drake has all the answers
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
