i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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