She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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