it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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