??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
