I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
