just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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