I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
