My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
