I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
