Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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