Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
