btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's great music for shaving your balls
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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