There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
