don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
