Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the day after is always just damage control
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
