just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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