Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drunk is not a location!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize