i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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