is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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