4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
