i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
