Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
