Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
