Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
