It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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