Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
