Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
