obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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