I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
