I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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