he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
