We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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