anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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