dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
