I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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