dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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