So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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