i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
