That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
