i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my god I love twenty year old dicks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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