Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
