Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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