Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
