your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
