you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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