My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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