i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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