On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
