I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
