Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize