I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
