I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize