Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
