I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
