She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
