if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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