I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My pussy is not your playground.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
