I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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