kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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