i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
