can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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