So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
