She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
