I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
