I just made out with a guy for $7.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
