He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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