Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
