he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my shit smells like andre
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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