Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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