We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
